If the college entrance examination fails, parents must be the children of their children

This version of the pictures is provided by Vision China

The scores and admission results of the college entrance examination have been announced one after another.In the face of exams and learning, scores and rankings, what attitude we should face has become a topic of attention.


"Why don’t you take out the textbook? Why don’t you study hard?" About 20 days after the college entrance examination this year, Wang Miao’s daughter received an examination notice from a school strong base plan (pilot enrollment reform pilot -reporter’s note).Two hours before the high -speed rail to the test site, the daughter never looked at the review information, and Wang Miao was furious.

Afterwards, she felt that she was stunned by anxiety. "How much can I learn in two hours? I am really bad."

Because the results of the college entrance examination are not as expected, the daughter only wants to study chemistry, so there are very few ideal colleges that can apply for the exam.Wang Miao regarded Qiangji as a "life -saving straw" of his daughter into an ideal college."Actually, we can guess that we are running this time." Wang Miao introduced that this time the college only admitted to 3 people, and the college entrance examination scores accounted for 85%, and many students participating in the exam were not ranked at the forefront.

Wang Miao recalled that her daughter was reading a book every day when preparing for the exam. The day before the exam, she even reviewed at 11 pm.Nevertheless, she became angry because her daughter was lying on the bed instead of learning in front of the table.

After the results came out, the daughter ranked fifth, and the admission score line was only two points.Wang Miao is uncomfortable, "I can’t hear the name of this school now."

The scores and admission results of the college entrance examination have been announced one after another, and some people are happy and worry.Students with ideal grades get the entry voucher of their favorite universities and enjoy the holidays with peace of mind; the college entrance examination results are not as good as the expected students, the days are not so good, and the pain is often accompanied by.Parents who have lost candidates are often surrounded by anxiety.

So, in the face of the failure of the college entrance examination, how can parents relieve the anxiety of parents?What attitude do they have to face their children?

After the college entrance examination defeat

Wang Miao’s daughter has been a "other children’s children" since she was a child. When she was rising, she was sent to the top ten high schools in Beijing.However, the good momentum does not last.Due to the love of chemistry, her daughter chose the direction of mathematics that was not good at in high school. She ranked among the top 50 when she first enrolled, and in the high school of 250 in the high school.Wang Miao said that her daughter’s score is enough to have a "211" that is not so good, which is not much different from the model test scores. "But this sense of gap makes me difficult to accept."

Both Wang Miao and her husband graduated from the top five universities across the country, and their work units were very good."People and things we usually come into contact with, let us deeply feel the help of good graduation colleges to student development." Wang Miao said, when you know what is better, you want your children to enjoy betterEducation, "Even the so -called" downgrade ‘, I hope to be within a small range. "

The good grades of junior high school and the high education of their parents have made parents look forward to their children higher. When the expectation fails, it is easy to cause anxiety.After the college entrance examination, many people came to ask Wang Miao’s daughter’s college entrance examination results, and she was disgusted with this."I can’t wait to pull them all black, and sometimes I even think about, do you want to satisfy curiosity or really care about me?" Someone sent the scores in the calendar.? "Wang Miao believes that on the one hand, because of his excessive sensitivity, and on the other hand, the excessive attention of others is a manifestation of lack of boundaries and a offending.

Forests are also anxious because of their children’s college entrance examinations.His son took the college entrance examination 5 years ago, and the score was nearly 30 points lower than usual.After knowing the grade, the son locked himself in the room and did not go out for two weeks.For the pain of his son, Lin Mu looked in his eyes and hurt in his heart.During that time, Lin Mu always recalled the details before the college entrance examination, and constantly blamed himself: "If you take him out for a day before the college entrance examination and relax, will the result be better?" "If you go to the examination room, ask a few words to pay attention to the details,Can I improve a little? "Lin Mu couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat meals, and lost 8 pounds for two weeks, and there was a circle of bubbles on his mouth.

"Children have lost their college entrance examinations. Parents are disappointed in the early days, and even complaining about their thoughts and emotions are normal." Jia Hongwu, director of the Hubei Provincial Psychological Health Association, believes that parents must have a spirit of empathy."When parents realize this, their disappointment and resentment of their children will be alleviated and transforming into care, which will help build a good parent -child relationship.Jia Hongwu also said that seeking truth from facts is also important.Parents often have some idealistic expectations for their children. Some expectations are far beyond the child’s ability. When the child does not play to the optimal level, the parents will feel lost.

What should parents do in front of their children

Facing the failure of the college entrance examination, not only parents, but also children.What should parents do in front of their children?

Lin Mu recalled that although he was uncomfortable at the time, he tried not to show his son as much as possible to avoid increasing the child’s burden.In the face of outsiders’ inquiries, he would pretend to be nothing. "I don’t want to let others sympathize with me, and I feel that I can’t bear it at all."Lin Mu hopes his son to read again, but he did not say to his son, but just said that "no matter how you choose, his parents will support it" "He is already a person with thinking ability". Lin Mu believes in his son’s judgment.Children’s rebellious psychology makes inappropriate choices.

Compared with the first college entrance examination loss, the second college entrance examination is abnormal again and more. Yu Zhu’s mother is anxious."I’m afraid she can’t pass the test, and the pressure of re -reading is great." Similar to Lin Mu, Yu Zhu’s mother dare not show it. "Don’t say crying, even speaking is to see Yu Zhu happy, I dare to say more.Two sentences.

In order to relieve anxiety, Qi Ping signed up for her daughter to guide her volunteer to fill in. Even if her daughter’s college entrance examination score was only 10 points lower than usual, even if her daughter had already got the independent enrollment qualifications of a college."I want to make double insurance," Qi Ping said.After entering the institution, the instructor first asked the daughter to estimate the score and conducted a career test, and then gave suggestions for the admission score line in previous years.Qi Ping’s daughter said that the institutions only seek stability, "I recommend that the schools who apply for the exam, I feel that the score is wasted."In the end, her daughter applied for the exam based on her own judgment. "Guidance is useless, but it really allows parents to ease anxiety."

"Parents must be the allies of their children." Jia Hongwu suggested that in front of their children, parents should properly control negative emotions to avoid aggravating their children’s sadness.Chen Wu, a teacher of the Institute of Development and Education of Wuhan University, believes that it depends on the mode of communication between parents and children.If the communication is smooth, parents can express frankly, and at the same time tell the child: "This matter is temporary and normal, I also care about your emotions. We face it together, and things will gradually get better."

If parents don’t want their children to feel anxious, Chen Wu suggested that parents do something to enrich themselves and divert their attention.As for parents who are busy at work, they can sort out some of the work to reduce the probability of errors."Don’t pretend to be strong when you are fragile." He said that parents can communicate with colleagues and leaders.If you have time and energy, parents can also change their lives, such as short -distance camping and travel."Leaving the scene where you get along with your child for a long time, you will find that there are still many things worth pursuing." Chen Wu said.

"The failure of the college entrance examination requires the whole family to face together and find a way out." Jia Hongwu said that if parents have the ability, they can make suggestions for their children’s future career planning.When the ideas of both parties are inconsistent, whether the parents do in the past, whether the child is recognized according to the authority of the parents; the child’s obedience, the degree of understanding of themselves and the society, etc. make judgments.When the child has a clear judgment and rational thinking, parents must properly respect their children’s ideas.

Enter anxiety to time

As a key node in life, the college entrance examination always affects the hearts of students and parents.In the face of exams and learning, scores and rankings, what attitude we should face has become a topic of attention.

"The college entrance examination is a selection test, and there will be elimination after selection." Chen Wu said that parents must realize that it is a high probability event that cannot be admitted to the ideal institution.Even if the college entrance examination fails, it does not mean that the child’s future has no hope.

Parents need to think clearly, what is most important for children?Chen Wu suggested that parents sort out elements such as health, happiness, growth, education, and then think about what to do if they want to make their children better in some ways.Although some students have good grades, they are barren in the spiritual world, and some people are opposite."We want children to develop in all aspects, but sometimes fish and bear’s paw cannot be both." He believes that parents cannot just look at the results, but to see what the child has as a whole.

Some people think that studying in better colleges and universities can expose better resources and connections.In Jia Hongwu’s view, this varies from person to person.Even in the number one university in the country, if students have no ability to seize the opportunity and have no good interpersonal relationships, even if he exposes excellent connections, it is difficult to help future development.Many students who study in non -"985" and "211" universities can also develop their horizons, "Not to mention that there are networks now, everything can be checked."

Yu Zhu and Qi Ping’s daughters finally admitted to the school they liked. When looking back at the time of the college entrance examination, Qi Ping felt that anxiety was useless."Although it is difficult to execute, it should also relax, work and live normally," she said.

Lin Mu’s son chose to repeat it, admitted to a "985" college, and has now started his career in Germany.Lin Mu felt that the worries at the time were superfluous, but if you come again, it may still be anxious.To relieve anxiety, he said that giving things to time and everything will be resolved.

(At the request of the interviewees, this article is a pseudonym except Jia Hongwu and Chen Wu)

Intern Zhou Ji also contributed to this article

China Youth Daily · China Youth Network Learl reporter Li Danping Intern Wan Qimeng Source: China Youth Daily

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